“The Ultimate Easy BBQ Collie Rib Recipe!”
If you’re like me, you love your dog so much you could eat her up raw.
Yummy!
But, trust me, roasted dog is even better!
Not only is dog rib amazingly flavorful, but it’s also ready in a matter of minutes. All you need is a sharp knife, a table saw, and a few simple ingredients!
All in all, it’s a perfect dish to serve as an easy weeknight dinner, or even at your holiday dinner table! It’s also high in protein!
But I don’t need to sell you on the benefits of dog meat!
So, without any further to-do, here’s how you cook your pet!
Selecting your Dog: Wild or Domesticated?
Though survivalists swear that wild dogs simply taste better than the domesticated variety, in my humble view, wild dogs are difficult to catch, and often have diseases, boils, and infections that may render the meat inedible. But, I’m just going to assume that you want something easy to prep, cook, and serve. In that case, I suggest an American Collie.
American Collies are a popular choice!
This is according to the American Kennel Club:
“The majestic Collie, thanks to a hundred years as a pop-culture star, is among the world’s most recognizable and beloved dog breeds. The full-coated ‘rough’ Collie is the more familiar variety, but there is also a sleek ‘smooth’ Collie. The Collie is a large but lithe herder standing anywhere from 22 to 26 inches tall. The rough variety boasts one of the canine kingdom’s most impressively showy coats; the smooth coat’s charms are subtler but no less satisfying. Coat colors in both varieties are sable and white, tricolor, blue merle, or white. Collie fanciers take pride in their breed’s elegant wedge-shaped head, whose mobile ears and almond eyes convey a wide variety of expressions.”
Sounds delicious! I’m drooling as much as the Collie! Good girl.
To begin with, prep the dog:
“OK, Jeannie, time for a nappy nap! Good girl!”
“Oh Jeanie! Come here girl!”
Once that delicious dinner of yours is asleep, comfy in her dog bed, take a mallet and strike your beloved pet firmly on the frontal lobe.
If your dog awakes, strike repeatedly. This takes some practice, so don’t get all hang-dog if you fail the first half-dozen times you try.
It’s a skill like any other.
Michael Vick, a real dog lover, prefers electrocution, but his method, while quick, tends to a less flavorful dog, and no one wants that!
So, for the perfect dinner, I suggest a freshly killed dog (never frozen!), slowly roasted on the barbie.
It’s really the perfect Saturday college football treat, unless you’re a fan of the Georgia Bulldogs or the Washington Huskies.
(For those fans, just substitute the dog meat with tofu!)
Skinning your freshly-butchered pet.
You have some options here. If you want to do it like the fancy chefs on the cooking channel, you could use a common skinning blade, and then use a table saw to cut the Collie into sections.
Directions:
- Hang Lassie upside down. You can do this by driving spikes into her hind legs. Then hoist and suspend for skinning.
- Next, slice vertically from the groin to the head. Then horizontally across the top and bottom of the belly.
- Let the intestines spill out.
- Using the skinning blade, peel back the hide for about three or four inches, then gently pull the flap with your hands and slowly remove the fur attached to the carcass. Take your time here.
- Wash the remaining hanging meat thoroughly using hot soapy water and a sponge.
Next, let’s chop off those drumsticks!
Cut and remove each limb by cutting at the hip and shoulder socket joints.
OK, we’re ready for that table saw.
If you don’t own one, don’t worry. You can use your knife to cut the ribs as you might from a cow or pig. It’s a bit more work doing it by hand, however.
Then prep the dog ribs using a standard meat rub.
Grilling!
You definitely should roast your pet over hot hickory wood chips. It adds a certain woodsy flavor to the meat.
Just let the meat sizzle on the barb; as it browns, add some garlic and honey for seasoning, though any chicken or rib sauce will work equally well!
When the edges start to caramelize, it’ll be time to flip those ribs, revealing the golden-brown beauty that lies underneath!
Don’t be afraid to really slather on that sauce. No one likes to eat dried dog.
Serving….
Colorful side dishes like grilled veggies or a fresh summer salad will add brightness.
In my case, I really went the extra mile. After all, I figured, why not? I won’t be walking the dog anymore!
Next, get ready to greet the neighbors! Roasted dog rib smells AMAZING. Expect your doorbell to be ringing like Notre Dame Cathedral on a Sunday!
And expect everyone to ask for a doggie bag!
Happy grilling, everyone!
